Rewiring our brain's capacity for Happiness and Joy.

Sometimes I ask myself

• How much more happiness can I take in without fearing the end of it eventually?

• How well really, is my minds capacity in simply letting go and experiencing the little pockets of Joy and happy moments in my present day?

• What are my intrinsic beliefs, about Happiness? By that I mean, what have I been programmed to think about experiencing happiness in its fullest purest form? Do I feel worthy of basking in the joys of happiness-

• Do I subconsciously reject it because my psyche is addicted to feelings and emotions on the opposite side of the spectrum. Emotions like grief, guilt or hate.

• Am I addicted to feelings of guilt, grief, or hate?

• Why can't I just decide to let this thing go?

Ugh! Typing out these reflective questions, I'm reminiscing upon the days, when I had stayed stuck in this very ugly draining headspace. A mindset that not only robbed me of a deeper sense of self and presence within me, but had also, kept me all dense and incredibly sad. Weirdly, my brain found comfort in these minutes of emotional density too! It was a routine of my old self, to always look out for something to be mad about, ravishing in the acute internal chaos. And for a long period of time, that was all my brain was familiar with, dense emotions that had constantly wrecked me whole and disjointed, leaving me isolated, wicked inside and short sighted. I had neglected parts of me that needed me in preparation for a better life ahead.

Therefore, because my neural pathways had been exposed to a longer period of non-stop actions that either generated feelings of hatred within myself for the world, or it is hatred of the outside world projected right back at me. It's understandable that it had taken upon itself, this paradigm of emotions as the established norm. Although luckily for me, the forced idea that I had become a victim never really resonated with me on a soul level. I innately knew that I could Choose to rewire this line of thought and begin anew. Having totally a different set of believes and perspective, that will and did make me feel lighter in weight, in the moment and freed up space mentally.

Wherever you are right now, let it teach you something. Be kind to yourself, on the journey and in the process of who are becoming or equally Unbecoming.

The struggle I experienced when I began putting in the effort to actually be free of this repeated need of my old self, to ravish in negative dense emotions, I mean it was really hard, excruciatingly hard and very unfamiliar. I wanted out though. Out the rabbit hole of internal destruction. I needed out so badly, so I was down for whatever. My expanded conscious brought to light, the need for a change in my mental space while at it. A change that would entirely liberate me.

But first, I had to LET GO. 🖐

"What do you mean I have to let go of the reasons and need for me to feel offended or wronged. I have to feel those emotions because I've built an identity around it, it's who I am. If I drop it, who do I become?

What I discovered while I was in the process of letting go.

• I had to become someone entirely new.

• That had entailed me to rewrite the narrative of my story.

• The consistent understanding that I needed to choose different.

• I also had to get comfortable with the idea of dwelling much longer, in feelings of Happiness and Joy.

• Lastly, I Was really getting frustrated with the whole repeated cycle of sadness and deep hurt.

I had a limit to the level of happiness; my subconscious could contain. I noticed it, resented just how fleeting it appeared in duration to me, and I wanted to change that. To heal this, I immediately began to own my unique story diligently and to also not run from it. Holding unto grief, hurt or hatred had me hide away from the world entirely. Making me feel less of a worthy person sometimes. I step outside and feel so much like a foreigner, a sense of misplacement in who I am and where I am.

Resentment for everything out there for inside of me there was war going on. A turbulence of utter and mischievous disaster. Victimization? - It might be, but I found great comfort in sadness and the feelings of grief.

A Whole New Life! 🚀❇️

• It gets better. With intentional Practice.

• Each new day presents a fresh start in our hands, to be 1% better.

• We are not bound to still be the same person we were last month, a week ago or even the last second of your life.

• Basking in the awareness of this fact, widens your chances of actually letting go therefore, deepening our capacity to subconsciously experience and hold Joy longer inside.

• You let go by forgiving yourself for experiencing whatever was or is the root cause of deep hurt and hatred.

FORGIVE YOURSELF DARLING <3 xoxo,

"Forgiveness doesn't mean you forget what happened or say that the wrong was okay. It just means you're freeing yourself from the heavy feelings that come with holding unto the hurt. It's like cleaning your heart so it can feel peace again".

• Thank you for being here! ❤

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